A New Beginning

by Pat LaPointe


Is love blind or was it just too hard to see clearly when caught in a whirlwind? If love is blind, it must also be deaf. You were told, by all those that knew you both, that you weren’t seeing the whole picture. You just knew it was they who could not see what your love was like. How could they know? How did they know?

          How did they know before you that he never talked to you, only at you? When you met, you were equals, or so it seemed then. Why is it that you are now a nothing, at home with a child, while he is out fighting with the real world? Why too have you suddenly become stupid and he a genius?

          There was a time when there was no one in the world beside the two of you. Why aren’t you enough for him now? He says he doesn’t want to stagnate, to get into a rut. Does he really prefer those drunken barbarian friends of his over you? Did he really tell you you’re boring and he can’t imagine why he married you in the first place?

          Day and night, you pace the floors and go through the motions of living. You do the laundry, feed the baby, clean the house, eat far too much, and think. My God how much you think! You wonder where did it go sour, when did the whirlwind stop? You wonder too, do I love him? Did I ever love him?

          One morning you wake up and are surprised to find him in the bed beside you. He is out cold. You have no idea where he was last night or what time he stumbled in. You look closely at him. Where is that exciting, virile lover you married? Who is this unshaven, sloppy man whose breath reeks of whiskey and stale cigarettes?

          You pull yourself out of bed, and as you do, you catch sight of yourself in the mirror. At least you think it is you. Are you the plump figure in an old t-shirt, with flabby thighs, sagging breasts and puffy eyes from crying? Where is that chic, attractive young woman you were only yesterday? And why is that baby crying?

          You go in and pick up the baby, his cries change to playful gurgles. It makes you feel good. You begin to talk to the baby and realize that this is the only human that you have talked to in days. Pieces begin to fall into place. This little person seems to be the only one who cares. He’s not exciting, or dashing or virile, but there is one thing for sure, he loves you.

          Slowly you gather enough clothes for you and the baby. You know that all the things you once were, are still inside you. You can learn again to be independent. You must be independent now; you have someone very important who is depending on you. You look back to the bed at the slumped over form just beginning to awaken, and then down into your son’s eyes, it becomes very clear. You feel positive that you are seeing it all, maybe for the first time.


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Pat LaPointe has recently created a community both for connecting with other women and finding “me” time: https://shareyourvoice.mn.co/, is contributing editor of the self-published anthology: “ The Woman I’ve Become: 37 Women Share Their Journeys from Toxic Relationships to Self-Empowerment”. In addition, she conducts writing workshops for women — both online and onsite. Pat’s essays and short stories have been published widely. Currently, Pat is preparing her first novel for publication in 2022.