Don’t Forget to Blink
by Jen Schneider
Photographs always frightened me. Not the act. Not the image, either. The
bright artificial light. Though I knew it was coming, I knew not how to
prepare. My eyes would close, always, no matter how hard I tried. Unable to
erase captured film, small canisters would hold proof of my inadequacies – later
documented in dark rooms behind closed doors.
Others angered. Easily.
Keep your eyes open. It’s not that hard.
I can still feel the others’ glares and the sting of the
air on the whites of my eyes. Stretched against limits and questions with no
answers. Later, wrinkled dollars would change hands over dusty drugstore
counters. Fingers would unwrap sealed envelopes and pull back crisp, neatly
folded paper. Quick flips through stacks of prints would inevitably confirm yet
more failings.
Not again. Yep, again. What a waste.
At the time I never understand what I was resisting.
Despite my efforts, my body was unable to comply with the demands of artificial
settings, forced smiles, and fake poses.
Now, I know. All along, I was fighting the future.
* * * * *
Jen Schneider is an
educator, attorney, and writer. She lives, writes, and works in small spaces
throughout Philadelphia. Recent work appears in The Popular Culture Studies
Journal, Toho Journal, The New Verse News, Zingara Poetry Review, Streetlight
Magazine, Chaleur Magazine, LSE Review of Books, and other literary and
scholarly journals.
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