I ♥ You, Honey

by Kappa Waugh

I’m searching the ultra romantic section,

puffy satin hearts, starched lace: “Dot

your signature scent here,” the insert

suggests.  Hmm, do they mean my cologne

or pheromones from my private parts?

Maybe not the tone I want to strike.  He is

a gas station flowers kind of guy.  He invariably

picks alstromeria, cheaper than roses

and a flower I can’t abide.

Let’s move on to the humorous.  Here’s one, a

colorful lizard, captioned “Iguana hold your

hand.”  Well, I’m a Beatles fan, but he really

likes the Clancy Brothers more.  Wonder if

they have one saying, “I love you more than

‘Danny Boy’ or Irish whiskey?

How about a kid’s card?  I grab one showing

kittens in a basket. Inside, “You’re PURRfect,

Valentine.”  But 1) he isn’t, and 2) he hates

cats,  and 3) he got a nosebleed on my (ironic)

“Hello, Kitty” sofa pillow, so I had to toss it.

Back at the humor section, I see a misplaced

romantic, pink ribbons, hearts, gold trim.  In

reading the flowery script, I think, “BINGO!”

Inside “Write your own fucking Valentine!”