JESUS                                                                       by Amy Ballard Rich

needed a better publicist,

as he is constantly being misquoted

to the point of slander

Had I been alive back then

I could have rocked

that publicist job,

fiercely protecting his beautiful message

of love, forgiveness, mercy, and compassion

Yes, had he been in charge of hiring,

he might have hired me,

or another woman,

since it was his apostle Paul

who was the misogynist,

not Jesus

I presume Jesus

was busy healing the sick

and cheering up

multitudes of people,

all around the world,

and trusted those close to him,

back then,

which ended being a big mistake

Because, sadly, he was misquoted

back then by some of his followers, 

and has been misquoted for 2016 years

Even more sadly, many have blamed him

for the insanity of some of his followers

If he were alive today,

with the benefit of social media,

he would set the record straight

My guess is he would live very simply,

volunteer at the needle exchange,

food banks, homeless shelters,

and free clinics

He most likely would be bisexual,

and perhaps gender-fluid,

as our Creator

may very well would have wanted him

to understand discrimination first-hand

Not to mention

he obviously was a dark-skinned man,

who was sadly

white-washed by the church

As he traveled to Muslim, Hindu, and Buddhist countries,

perhaps with Doctors Without Borders,

no doubt he would

attend whatever religious services

he was invited to,

especially if they involved music and feasting

No matter where he went,

he would show kindness and love,

would be honest and fair,

and would be very  popular

Since way back then,

he was friends with Mary Magdalene,

I would not be surprised

if nowadays he would frequent brothels

a few times a month

Of course,

he would choose the brothels

where the sex workers

had a worker collective,

and were self-governing

No doubt he would

always practice safe sex,

generously tip the sex workers,

and not even pick a “favorite”,

lest any would feel left out

They would see Jesus coming

as they leaned out the brothel window,

and declare,

“Hallelujah!  Jesus is coming,

JESUS IS COMING!”