Elegy

by Joani Reese

Like sinews stretched until they snap,

I finally reach that no return. 

I banish man-child from my home,

and toss his troubles to the curb 

as rage cements his fisted heart

that once fluttered beneath my own. 

A hardened man, he won't admit 

rash choices formed his bitter mien, 

and if he ever loved someone, 

his mirrored body sat that throne. 

I finally extract my life, 

aware he'll never own his fate; 

he'll stumble 

forward, fall alone, 

his troubles blamed on everyone.

How strange to think, innocent, young, 

he was my laughing, blue-eyed son. 

Each angry man leaps from a boy 

tempered by existential harm. 

Embracing hate, his ire thrums, 

this one who never caught the ring, 

nor sang a song, nor loved someone. 

A frightened boy dwells in this man 

who claims he can control the storm; 

he'll realize, but far too late,

he's just another wind-tossed pawn. 

Drug ravaged, drunken, stumbling on, 

a sunken wraith, an eidolon,

his threnody's a sorrow song,

a dirge lamenting damage done. 

All kindness gone, he's flown apart,

a puzzle piece lost in the dark. 

I stand detached and mustn't grieve

his leaving or lie to the truth. 

I have no time for a fresh start,

prepare for years missing that heart 

that once beat softly, safe 

beneath my own.