Future Self

by Michelle Fulkerson


Dear future self, are you happy?
Do you measure life in smiles
instead of calories?

Dear future self, are you lying again?
Lying to yourself.
Lying to friends.
Lying to family…

Dear future self, are you ill?
Have you been claimed by the beast once again,
as it curls around your bones like a house cat?

Dear future self, have you accomplished your goals?
Has that revolutionary fire inside of you dwindled,
or has it flared back with more vigor than before?

Dear future self, are you writing?
Are you a journalist, a poet?
Did you graduate college?
Did you make something of your existence?

Dear future self, are you lonely?
Have the pills looked more enticing as of late?
Have you spoken to your mother,
shared what is in your heart?

Dear future self, are you holy?
Do you walk in faith,
or have you been burdened 
by that devil on your shoulder?

Dear future self,
most of all,
are you whole?


* * * * *

"Future Self" is from Michelle Fulkerson's collection I Am from Stargazing on Rooftops, edited posthumously by her mother, Julie Fulkerson (Cerasus Poetry, July 2022).

Michelle Fulkerson fought her way into the world at just 23 weeks gestation. Against the odds, she survived and thrived. Michelle loved reading, writing and music. She began writing poetry and short stories at age 12. Around that same time, Michelle began struggling with anorexia, anxiety, and depression. She kept a journal where she wrote with poignant honesty regarding her mental health struggles. Michelle wrote up until her suicide, just 4 months shy of her 18^th birthday.