How to Self-Frustrate in Ten Easy Steps                                                                          

by Julie Allyn Johnson


Strong people, amazing people
            resilient women, in particular
mesmerize…

Strength clean and pure
bawdy and risqué
self-assurance spare and lean,
each flavored with its own stamp of authority.
I’ve dabbled in them all,
adjusting the sleeves
puckering the fabric
whirling about in front of the mirror.
How might I best accentuate
my own sparsely inadequate features?

And yet, I don’t think it works that way.

How does one become a stout & durable individual?

Is it innate?
Does it entail shape-shifting
            when no one is about to comment & observe?
Should I shuck all that I am, retaining only
            the very best parts of me
and pray the nasty, unsavory elements
            fail to ever resurface?

Say I strike the right balance.
I’ve reinvented myself.
Pivot now to maintenance.
Sustainment.

Credibility for the long haul.

Blast it. Not a clue.

Am I forever condemned
to always pale in comparison
to those I most admire?

Or must I carry on – always, just always,
endeavoring to try and try again?


* * * * *

Julie Allyn Johnson, a sawyer's daughter from the American Midwest, prefers black licorice over red, cigarette-size Tootsie Rolls and Hot Tamales, practically the perfect candy. Her current obsession is tackling the rough and tumble sport of quilting and the accumulation of fabric. A Pushcart Prize nominee, Julie’s poetry can be found in various journals including Star*Line, The Briar Cliff Review, Phantom Kangaroo, Haven Speculative, Anti-Heroin Chic, Coffin Bell and Chestnut Review.