Give Me That Grab-Bag Religion
by Lynne Thompson
The world is a grabbag; the world
Is full of heathens who haven’t seen the light;
Do it, Mr. Missionary.
God’s neon advertisement: The sermon this morning
will be “Jesus Walks on Water.” The sermon tonight:
“Searching for Jesus.” It’s miracles in the A.M.,
gone to crap by o’dark-thirty. Any congregation
that understands that is just the place for me.
Check out Sunday night’s bulletin: The Church
will host an evening of fine dining,
superb entertainment and gracious hostility.
In another: Don’t let worry kill you—
let the church help. Finally, someone is listening!
Even listening when I come to sing:
The senior choir invites any member of the
congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
I tell them I’m an alto and always in demand.
I’ve found my holy temple. The king of kings,
his minions, and all their silly pastimes
designed to return me to the fold,
devised to aggravate my faith:
The Associate Minister has unveiled
the church’s new tithing plan—
I’ve already upped my pledge, now up yours.
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